My top 10 tips on how I overcame Loneliness. [3 minute read]
Loneliness has been a consistent emotion or pattern that has reccurred during many moments in my life. My earliest memory was when I was bullied in high school. Within an instant I felt excluded and dismissed by all those around me. I felt the whole world I knew just crumble and everyone in it just disappear. I didn’t really know what to do about it, but some how I stumbled through the rest of those teenage years.
A fresh start at university I knew it would be a new beginning. New people, new opportunities and exciting changes. The first few years were excellent, then again out of no where I was bullied. All that I knew disappeared and I started to hide. I completed the final year of my university doing what I was required, and hide myself away from all involved. I felt very empty. That’s when social anxiety set in.
A new start at my first teaching job was exciting. I loved the classes I had and the students were lots of fun. It ignited the passion for helping others. Third time lucky though, I was bullied. The kind of narcissistic relationship that formed over those 6 years was debilitating. I guess you wonder why I put up with it for so long.
Well I guess I did not want to be lonely, lose my job as a young teacher, so I felt compelled to do exactly what I was told.
A marriage was meant to be a connection of a life time, but unfortunately with all my baggage. I started to feel lonely within that too. The more I felt hurt by what was happening at work, the more I closed myself off from all around me, including my husband. I could see the connection that others had with their loved ones, but not me.
I always questioned myself and wondered what was wrong with me.
From a young age I was taught not express emotions or how I was feeling, I learnt very quickly how to hide all emotions away. Very rarely did I cry and I just learnt to suffer in silence. So very easily as the emotions of loneliness grew I continued that same pattern.
I just started to run from my life because I had no idea how to handle it.
I placed myself in many 12 week body transformation challenges, I numbed what I was feeling with alcohol, I went through periods of binge eating and enjoying comfort food. Because I just wanted to run from my life and everything in it.
Each day I would put on a mask that showed I had it all and everything was going well. As the years went on, the mask was getting harder and harder to wear.
Because deep down all I ever wanted was a sense of belonging, but it was exactly what I feared the most.
What I did to overcome Loneliness?
To overcome the feeling of loneliness I had to face it, and that’s exactly what I did. What I realised was a little part of me that was lonely, was actually feeling rejected. That rejected part of me started sometime in my childhood and grew bigger and bigger, with each incident. My brain knew exactly what to do to protect myself from this feeling, it had learnt to respond that way so many times.
Once I cleared off some of these feelings during my studies of NLP, TLT, RT and Reiki. I started to feel happy. That part that was lonely, was feeling a lot safer and a lot more confident to reach out to the world.
But as life would have it, it started again. Starting a business can also be a lonely gig. Going from a very busy school environment, that had constant buzz to silence was daunting. It was like I was a mother at home (I’m guessing?) but I had no children. All my friends were working and I was at home alone, studying and building a business. But without kids!
There were days I was just completely empty and the local coffee store was my only interaction during the day.
I knew at that point I really had to face the last part of my loneliness. I did that on my own but also with help through RT, Reiki, NLP, TLT and Hypnosis.
my 10 Tips to start to overcome Loneliness by yourself
- Face and acknowledge the part you feel lonely. Connect to the feeling because it’s ok to feel like that. Start some EFT Tapping on that feeling until the feeling subsides.
- Fill yourself up with things you love. It might be a bath, essential oils, massage, Reiki, walk down the beach, walk in nature or embracing the sunshine.
- Change the name of loneliness to a sense of freedom. Or a word you like it to be! Changing the word brings us to look at the experience differently.
- Be present in every moment. Not in the past or the future, but right now. The easiest way to do this is start counting your breathing. Breathe in for 4 and out for 4. Make sure you move your stomach out first as you breathe in, before your chest rises.
- Be appreciative, thankful, grateful of this time and everything that is around you, as this time will past.
- Go back to doing things you love. Maybe it’s things you have not done since you were a child.
- Breathe deep at every moment you remember. Like now! With big deep belly breathes, where your stomach rises as you breathe in.
- Go back to a beautiful memory and play that memory as a movie in your head. To bring up good feelings in your body.
- Set yourself small things or a purpose to achieve each day.
- Learn something new or do something new.
I now cherish these times I have to myself. The times I am able to meditate, have Reiki, workout, go to the beach, soak up the sun and really embrace life for all it is. If you did not have the dark times, we would not know the light times.
What are 2 things you could do straight away to help you with these feelings?