How bullying was the best thing that happened to me? [2 minute read]
Bullying is such a heartless act, which cuts through your core. That makes you question your worth in this world, and why you really should be here. The endless torment does not stop during the encounter. It stays with you day in and day out.
On and off over a period of 15 years I experienced bullying, how I put up with it for so long I have no idea. It certainly built my avoidance strategies and my resilience to push through it all. The usual kind of teenage girl bullying, through to University seclusion and to top that off workplace belittling.
To feel lost and alone, like you are no one but someone. It sent my self confidence and self worth so low, and pretty quickly social anxiety set in. I knew I was a good person, always trying to do the ‘right thing’ and give my all to the world. But when the heartless acts cut through your core and you have no real idea on how to approach the situation, It was much easier to avoid all those involved and others altogether.
I worried about what others thought of me, and I made sure I was always saying the ‘right thing’. In case it was taken the wrong way. Sometimes I found it was much easier to not say anything and just hide away in the background.
To go from a fun, loving extrovert, to feel like I was put in a closed box. I was empty.
I continued to give my all to people, and try to trust them hoping they would eventually do the ‘right thing’ by me. I supported and gave myself to everyone and anyone during my day, so they could feel better, which in turn made me feel better. I felt like I was doing something right and some good in this world.
After 6 years of workplace bullying something inside me said enough was enough. I made a decision one day, I would not accept it any more. No more using or abusing of my time or my worth. I didn’t have to say anything to my bullies.
I believe it was my demeanour and inner knowing, that I now had decided and deserved so much more. It stopped!
I put boundaries in place and made a decision on what I wanted and where I was headed. Inside me though I was still reeling about what they did to me. Back then I thought to myself, they really deserve some kind of pay back.
On my journey in changing careers and finding my real passion in life, I soon realised I was acutally only hurting myself by holding onto this.
What the bullies did to me, more than likely is a forgotten memory in time. It was in the past! It really does not matter to me now.
I was just reliving each vivid memory in my mind, the hurt, anger and pain was still there, it was like I was running on a treadmill non stop. The past and all it’s memories were still alive in me.
When I finally decided to deal with the hurt, anger and feelings of being left alone, unsafe and like I could trust no one. My life and everything around it started to change. I started to change. I felt my energy lift, I found my sense of belonging and happiness to move forward with my life.
For too long I had been holding onto the ‘monkey bars’, the more I held them the more my body and muscles were failing me. One hand was etched in the past, unable to let go of all the hurt and other hand trying to move forward in life, but I could not. When I let go and released the negative emotions from my past, the energy that propelled me forward was so fast and I landed with such grace. It was only then I was able to realise that forgiving my bullies was the only way.
Forgiveness was the most powerful experience I have ever had. It allowed me to look at the situation from a different perspective and set me free. Forgiveness is not about condoning action or believing that bullying is ok. As it’s far from ok! It’s about freeing yourself from the feelings you have to events in the past. I realised the only person that can feel those feelings, was me! No one else! I needed to be at peace inside myself, and not have to keep replaying the same movie in my head every single day. I wanted more space, energy and peace to think about all my dreams and desires in life. Sometimes it’s not easy to look at, but because it frees up energy in our body, I’m convinced it’s a powerful tool.
The bullying experience helped me set boundaries, become more confident and find my self worth. I was able to decide what I wanted and didn’t want in my life. I made a decision on who I needed to hang around and who I did not. It taught me to say NO, and most importantly to only say YES to things I wanted to do.
For those who have experienced bullying, going through it now or know someone that has gone or is going through it. It’s not a nice experience and my heart goes out to you. I send my love and strength to all of you, that you will find that inner strength inside you to do the same as I did. There is a part of you that is so worth it. There is a part of you, that believes in everything that you do. You just need to find and support those parts of you.
reach out and ask! even when your voice shakes!
To help you overcome those bullies when nothing else is working or no one does anything about it.
Reach out, ask for help and empower yourself. Ask, even when your voice shakes!
There are so many amazing and powerful ways to release the hurt and empower YOU! To help you move forward and forgive, so you do not need to hold onto these feelings anymore.
Empower yourself to be proud of who you are and what you offer this world. Find that strength of confidence within you. It’s there! Start by being that confident, empowered person at home, practice who you want to be and gradually build it into your life outside your house. Train your brain to believe in you and who you want to be. If you are that person at home, you can be that person anywhere. Small steps!
You are worth it and so much more. I believe in YOU!