Finding peace in a world that is not peaceful

To create the life you want takes courage and commitment to yourself. It’s the biggest act of self love, you can give to yourself. It’s the letting go of what no longer serves you, can be the scariest.

I didn’t feel it in my heart anymore. It just wasn’t me, and that thought was terrifying. I knew it’s exactly what I needed to do, but to do and take that leap … yeah … BIG …

So glad I quit!

So much time, value and love was put into my teaching career, it was tough letting go of it all. Cupboards full of resources from various subjects built over 15 years. Massive amount of work and thought processes went into each moment.

Email sent and it was all gone within an instant.

I felt I was gone within an instant.

All my value, love and support network was gone in an instant.

All that I thought I was I had attached to my career and the person I was. All I achieved during that time and how I was perceived was all attached and based on the opinions of others.

None of it was actually based on who I was as a person. So when I quit the emotional turmoil and grief I experienced hit me hard. I felt I was nothing and nobody.

I didn’t even think about the consequences of quitting, or what I would do after. It was a spontaneous reaction of looking for more depth and enjoyment in my life.

I wasn’t fulfilled! I was hurting, sad, anger, rejected, feeling unloved and more. I had anxiety, social anxiety of various types day in and day out. It literally felt like life had failed me or I had failed life.

I had the belief I had to keep it together, but little did I know no one has it all together. Everyone has something! 

I didn’t even comprehend what I was feeling. Didn’t get it at all. The feelings just ran my life and what I did in my day and what I avoided to no end. 

I knew exactly my triggers and the situations that made me feel uncomfortable. I shifted myself away from life, put myself further in a box.

I didn’t want to face it or feel it.

Drank alcohol, emotionally ate and exercised myself at times to no end. It was a constant cycle of pushing, pulling and running away to avoid what really I needed to do the most.

That I didn’t even know what to do about it or how??

I had no idea it was even possible to feel at peace or even what peace was.

That pull and yearn for something else grew stronger and stronger. I had to quit. At the time I just thought it was a totally new life I needed, and filling that void I felt with things outside of me.

But over the last 5 years the realisation has grown, it was nothing to do with a change of career as such, or a new life with new beginnings. It actually all had to do with a new beginning inside of me.

It might not be quitting your job, relationship or changing what’s not working outside you.

It’s all about changing what’s not working inside of you. That’s where all the power and value lies.

Because the feelings that are surfacing from being so unhappy with life, love and more … are all within.

What I was craving was more depth, love, peace and acceptance in my life, I had to find and heal that from within.

I hadn’t failed life at all. Life was always working for me and giving me the answers I needed all along. I just kept missing them.

Within …. is the world where you create the life you want. The happiness, peace and joyful moments. None of it comes from things, new objects, travel, new career, new partner or even a new life sometimes.

It’s all the feelings inside your own little world, that brings the biggest amount of joy to your life.

It’s releasing, acknowledging those feelings that surface, that’s the change you need to make. The things you keep avoiding. The feelings that surface that make you feel uncomfortable, that’s the answer to more peace, love and happiness. 

As my feelings and my inner world changed, the life outside me changed within weeks. I mean weeks! The more work within I did, the more peace around me changed as well.

Life and success and value comes from nothing that you gather, do, don’t do, career, money, house, what others say or think about you or collect. It’s nothing to do with, if something bigger or better. Or even you climbing the ranks to feel bigger or better.

My value comes from within my heart, the feelings of freedom within. The complete peace and love I feel for myself from depths and levels I didn’t even know existed.

That’s the success of life.

These feelings no one can take from me. No thing adds or takes value, from me. No situation, person or anything can take away the value I hold within myself.

It’s taken time, and many moments of defeat, sadness, happiness and grief, …. but as I always say …. those moments have had the biggest impact on my life. Nothing was ever lost!

It was always for the taking. It was always helping me shift and notice the repeated patterns and lessons from others or situations.

I had to quit! I feel it and know it! I had to go through all that I’ve gone through. As I had to learn no matter what someone else thinks, acts, does, says or behaves … it doesn’t matter anymore!

The time spent pleasing others to help please and accept myself is gone!

The immense value I have for myself, will never be taken away again! 

I’ve never failed in life, I’ve gained so much. I’ve lived and loved like never before. That’s my strength, my value and all that I am is within.

 

Carlene

xx